Favorite (Stupid) Jokes

Weekend Assignment #80 from John Scalzi: 

Share a favorite joke. Keep it clean, of course. Otherwise, go nuts.

Okay, these jokes are truly silly, but, hey--why not post them just for fun?!  One of my most favorite quotes reads:  "Laughter is the closet distance between two people".   P.S.  Sorry about the blonde jokes---some of my best friends have been blondes, so please don't take offense...I love them all.. 

What do you call a skating rink full of blondes?

A bunch of frosted flakes.

Why did Helen Keller burn her fingers?

She tried to read the waffle iron.

How did Helen's parents punish her?

They moved the furniture.

Why did Helen run away with the priest?

He promised her that he would show her the "light". 

Why do you call a guy with no legs, and no arms, who swims?

Bob.

What to call a guy who always hangs out your door and never leaves?

Matt.

What do you call a guy who just enjoys hanging around?

Art.

What do you call a woman who has one leg longer than the other?

Eileen.

WHILE RIDING A BUS, A BLONDE WAS READING THE NEWSPAPER

AND THE HEADLINE BLARED, "12 BRAZILIAN SOLDIERS

KILLED." SHE SHOOK HER HEAD AT THE SAD NEWS, THEN

TURNED TO THE STRANGER SITTING NEXT TO HER AND ASKED,

 

"ABOUT HOW MANY IS A BRAZILIAN?"

Mary Poppins moved

It seems that Mary Poppins has moved to California. She has started a business telling people's fortunes. But, she doesn't read palms or tea leaves, she smells one's breath. That, right, the sign outside reads: Super California Mystic Expert Halitosis.

Extra Credit:  Do people think you are actually funny?  Yes they do, but sometimes they laugh when I don't even try to be funny, and that worries me.

Have a great weekend everyone! :)