The other day I took my two boys to the beach. It was a beautiful Tuesday afternoon; the weather was nice, warm and sunny, and there I was driving my van down towards the ocean, when suddenly up ahead I saw a man struggling with his bicycle on the sidewalk.
Lucky for him, I saw him. And, lucky for me there was minimal traffic for a Tuesday afternoon. Seconds away, as I looked at him struggling up ahead, I wondered to myself: "Okay, is he going to get back on his bike, or is the bicycle going to send him over the curb?" I swerved away just before he fell head first over the curb and onto the street. Lovely..just lovely.
Frightened, catching my breath after a yelp of fear, I saw the guy getting up from the street in my rearview mirror. Apparently, it is very difficult to get on a bike while holding a bottle of whiskey at the same time. It was a miracle however that his paper bag wasn't soaked with alcohol after this fall. (Nope, it wasn't Mel.)
For the rest of the afternoon I was haunted with the thought of me actually running over the guy. If I hadn't noticed him as quickly as I had, that may have happened. Walking later on the beach that afternoon, I was able to forget the whole incident for a little while, but afterwards, the thought came back again, and it made me feel just a little angry...it still does in fact. The guy on the bike, probably didn't think twice about it. He probably just went on his merry way, wondering why he had a new bruise on his knee.. And here I am wondering "what if?"
Grrrrr... This reminds me of another situation I found myself in.
On another beautiful, summer day, I was taking a nice long walk on my favorite walking path on East Cliff, Santa Cruz near the ocean cliffs. On the walking path, a older woman waved towards me from her wheelchair. Thinking that she needed some sort of asistance, I walked up to her and asked her if she needed help.
"Yes, young lady, could you take me out nearer to the cliffs so I can see the ocean?"
My first gut feeling, was NOOOO!!! Don't wheel this old woman near the cliffs! She'll fall off!! But, there was a large walking area in front of the cliffs, and I felt it would be okay, so I obliged, and slowly wheeled her closer to the cliffs. She was now right in front of the ice plants, and a good 12 feet away from any danger.
"Oh thank you dear, but can you bring me a little closer?"
"Are you sure?" I asked with concern in my voice.
"Oh yes, don't worry, I have been that close before."
"But how will you get out?" I asked with even more concern in my voice.
"Oh, I always find someone to help me out."
Okay, by now my gut is screaming at me: CRAZY!!! This woman is CRAZY!! Don't do it!!! But, against my better judgement, I found myself taking this old woman's wheelchair and wheeling her to the middle of the iceplants to only 6 feet away from the cliff's edge. As I'm doing this, I am well aware of what passing traffic may be thinking: "Oh my God, that lady is wheeling that old woman off the edge of the cliffs!"
After many thank yous from the elderly woman, I left her there in the middle of the ice plants, just as she had requested, and went on my way walk path. Now, instead of just thinking of my day, I was left with the responsibility of knowing, that I just left a defenseless old woman in a wheelchair in the middle of a huge ice plant near a ocean cliff. Lovely. Would she ever flag someone down to rescue her? Would she accidently turn off the brake, and skid down the cliffs to a rocky and watery grave?!
Eventually, when I passed her again, I saw her still there, smiling and enjoying the view, but, I still today, years after am still haunted by "what if"....
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