Jewish/Buddist Haiku

Here I am, a Catholic girl giving you all a Jewish/Buddist Haiku....  Go figure!

(The following was sent to me by my good friend, Sharon--the woman who "sees" dead people and talks to them too...) 

If there is no self,

> whose arthritis is this?

> *

> Be here now.

> Be someplace else later.

> Is that so complicated?

> *

> Drink tea and nourish life.

> With the first sip ... joy.

> With the second ... satisfaction.

> With the third, peace.

> With the fourth, a Danish.

> *

> Wherever you go, there you are.

> Your luggage is another story.

> *

> Accept misfortune as a blessing.

> Do not wish for perfect health,

> Or a life without problems.

> What would you talk about?

> *

> The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single

> "oy."

> *

> There is no escaping karma

> In a previous life, you never called,

> you never wrote, you never visited.

> And whose fault was that?

> *

> Zen is not easy.

> It takes effort to attain nothingness.

> And then what do you have?

> Bupkes.

> *

> The Tao does not speak.

> The Tao does not blame.

> The Tao does not take sides.

> The Tao has no expectations.

> The Tao demands nothing of others.

> The Tao is not Jewish.

> *

> Breathe in. Breathe out.

> Breathe in. Breathe out.

> Forget this and attaining Enlightenment will be

> the least of your problems.

> *

> Let your mind be as a floating cloud.

> Let your stillness be as the wooded glen.

> And sit up straight.

> You'll never meet the Buddha with such rounded

> shoulders.

> *

> Be patient and achieve all things.

> Be impatient and achieve all things faster.

> *

> To Find the Buddha, look within.

> Deep inside you are ten thousand flowers.

> Each flower blossoms ten thousand times.

> Each blossom has ten thousand petals.

> You might want to see a specialist.

> *

> To practice Zen and the art of Jewish motorcycle

> maintenance,

> do the following:

> Get rid of the motorcycle.

> What were you thinking?

> *

>

> Be aware of your body.

> Be aware of your perceptions.

> Keep in mind that not every physical sensation is a

> symptom of

> a terminal illness.

> *

> The Torah says, "Love thy neighbor as thyself."

> The Buddha says there is no "self."

> So, maybe you are off the hook.