Random Retail Memories...

 

 

Oh, the "glamorous" life of retail!  Way back, when I was a single mom working a 65 hour week, working part time at a department store near my home, I would see a lot of different people coming inside the store.  When you work in a fairly small town, you tend to see the same people everyday—the regulars.  There were a few characters that I remember, here are a few of them. 

 

The Sterling Silver Lady:  This woman would come in almost every other day on my shift to admire the sterling silver.  I worked in the “accessories” department in the store where scarves, socks, stockings, slippers, and costume jewelry.  This woman, who I’m guessing was  in her late 50’s or early 60’s would come in and look at the sterling silver and gems through the glass cases near my register.  She was particularly fond of the necklaces and charmed bracelets, and would ask me quite often to get them out of the case so she could get a closer look.  She always wore blue and white, and seemed to always wear her graying blonde hair in a pony tail, and bangs—think of an aging Alice in Wonderland for a moment, and that was her.  She was always very nice and polite, but would always come in the following week to return a bracelet to exchange for another.  Normally, that would bother some people, but I never minded.  She was one of the nicer customers, and her oddness was refreshing at times.

 

                                                                                                 

 

Never Satisfied Bitter Old Diva Women, Snooty Bitches:  These women usually traveled in packs, or in groups of two.  They often would travel together from one end of the store to the other.  These women were professionals.  They knew what they wanted, where to find it, and all of the return policies.  Always dressed in always seemed to be in either pastels or bright colored matching jogging suits; their lipstick and manicured nails were always matching.  Think of Golden Girls’ for a moment.  The store managers knew them by name, and they knew their names.  And yes, they would hide in the break room when they were on the prowl.  It wouldn't be long however until one of the managers were called over the intercom for assistance.

 

 “I want to buy this purse, but the leather is scratched!  I want a 20% discount!” 

 

  They ALWAYS got their discount.  Happily, they would leave with their purchase.  I couldn't stand these women.  They always felt “entitled” all the time. 

 

 

“This wasn't on sale last week, but it is now, and I’m returning it to get my discount!”

 

  There was one woman from the pack that set herself from the rest in particular who shopped with her little toy poodle, who was extra SNOOTY.  We were told to give her “anything she wants” because she was an owner of a chain ice cream company.  Whoopee do!!  You would think she was the queen of England or something.  She reminded me of the wicked witch of the West who kidnapped Toto. 

 

The Mother & Her Tranny Son:   This older woman would always bring her son with her shopping every Tuesday night.  Tuesdays were Senior Citizen Discount Day.  Everyone over 55 got a special discount on everything in the store, plus free gift wrap!  Every Tuesday night, her son would accompany her for an outing of shopping, and every Tuesday this son would go to the racks of earrings in the accessories section wearing a skirt.  Now, from the back, this man, looked just like a woman; he had long waist length hair, and some really nice looking legs.  I would stand there behind the register and actually watch men walk past do a double take.  It was quite amusing; especially watching other customer’s reactions.  I’ve witnessed people stare in disbelief, and become so offended as far as leaving the store, or grabbing their children and leave the department because they felt uncomfortable.  Poor guy was only checking out the earrings for God’s sake.  He never bothered me.  Poor dear though did not have what you call a feminine looking face.  Razor stubble, badly plucked eyebrows, and a very “hard” looking face-he didn’t know how to use make up either.  I’ll never forget one woman in particular coming to my register asking:

 

“Is IT gone yet?” 

 

Very sad. 

 

 

 

The Looney Hooker:  This woman was quite a character.  She would usually come into the store during the day, but I had seen her come in a few times during my shift.  I was told by a co-worker that it was a known fact that she was a “lady of the night,” who would sometimes come into the store waving cash in her hand, and a bottle of booze in her purse.  She was a larger woman, who always wore very long dresses, and long velvet dark coats over them.  She had long hair, and had a very loud and happy laugh.  She seemed to be friends with one of the men working in the men’s department.  She always paid in cash.  One day she came into the store on a particular slow night with a huge fist of cash in her hands.  She called out loudly to her friend in the men’s department on her way up the elevator to the furniture department:  “I’m going to buy myself a new bed!” as she waved her money in front of her face.  It must have been a good night. 

 

The Old Men and Their Mail Order Brides:  On weekends, I would see them: Very homely, older looking men, with petite size, very young and pretty Asian women, shopping together.  It was obvious that these women could barely speak a word of English.  These men were old enough to be their grandfathers, and it was obvious that they weren’t related.  A co-worked nudged me and made a comment:  “There’s your classic mail order bride couple.”  It was hard to look at; it still is today.  I remember one couple in particular at the fine jewelry department across from me.  The man bought the woman a gold necklace.  By looking at her, you would have thought the guy bought her a triple scoop ice cream cone!  She was jumping up and down in delight, shouting.. “Fo Me?  Fo Me?!”