Tuesday Ramblings...

I've gotten a lot of comments about the artist of these paintings...  I don't know who the artist is either.  I found these at www.photobucket.com.  I simply just did a search on paintings/Azores, and I found them.  I'm hoping to find out, and possibly find some of these prints when I go on vacation.  When I find out who/what and where on them, I will let you know. 

I mentioned a while back that my two older children possibly were going to visit their father in NJ.  Well, he was supposed to get back to us and tell them when; but no word yet.  I'm not disappointed or surprised.  He was talking of sending the airline tickets almost a month ago; but no word.  It's okay; really--the kids aren't disappointed, and I'm afraid a trip to NJ so close to our trip overseas is just going to be too difficult.  He wanted them to fly down at the end of July, and come back only a few days before their trip.  I heard this from my daughter the other day.  He doesn't discuss any of this with me you see.  I am so sure!  Let's fly the kids back east, and then back to California, and then back east again in the same week...how thoughtful!   My daughter has planned another trip with a few of her friends to L.A. in July, and she told her father that she was not going to cancel it.  Okay.  I sent him an email yesterday telling him that this year just wasn't going to work; and not buy airline tickets.  He isn't going to be happy..  BUT, if he had given us an idea of when the kids were going we could have possibly worked out a plan. 

My daughter is already taking 5 weeks off from her job.  She doesn't  want to lose this job, and she can't give them a day's notice of even more vacation time off.  I don't know why I should have bothered to send the email; Ex-Man is a tad too flaky.  I can still unsend that email.  He hasn't read it yet, and he probably won't until a few more weeks.  I'm sure he hasn't even looked into buying them tickets yet; let alone realize that we are in the last week of June.  Hello!!  July starts Sunday!  I'm just hoping he remembers to send child support.  Hmm.. 

I told of the proposed trip to NJ to my mother before she left, and she was totally against the idea.  She told me quite frankly that she would be afraid that something should happen down there and how it would totally ruin her trip--she would worry constantly and would have to take her "nervous pills" every hour.  I confided to another friend of mine, who told me just as frankly "Don't let them go!  He'll kidnap them and take them to Portugal!"  Just when I thought I could give my Ex-husband more of a benefit of a doubt; hoping that he had "changed" or "grown up", all these fears are coming back to me.  My daughter Lizzy knows of these fears.  She still remembers some of them herself; she understands what I'm saying, and added:  "I think he should just come down here and visit us instead.  It works better that way." 

Do I think my Ex will kidnap my kids and I'll never see them again?  No..  I don't think he wants that kind of responsibility; although he did mention once that he wanted to teach my son how "to be a man."  Now, that frightens me; yes.  Do I think my Ex has "changed"--I think he has to the point that he knows what he had done was wrong and he wants to make up for it..but has he "changed"..I can't honestly answer that question. So, am I ready to let my children go off for a few weeks to the unknown?  Not really.  Do I trust the family he has married into over there?  Well, considering all the lies that were told by his new mother-in law who stated that she was "a friend" who knew nothing really of his whereabouts (when he left the state and I was looking for him--he was living at this woman's house at the time); or the woman he now is married to, who accused me of "being jealous" and "being cruel and mean, and a liar", who said I could go on welfare to support my children like she did; no I'm not too crazy about her either.  I do feel sorry for her-in a weird twisted way.  Would I get involved with someone who left two children behind in a different state without giving word of where he was going--no phone number or address?  NO!  

 I don't know how many lies he has told her about me.  For all I know, he told her that I came from a mafia family who hired a hit man to kill him; or that I was a drugged up prostitute.  To her benefit however, she did tell my daughter that I must be a good mother because she was impressed by the way she and my son were well behaved and respectful.  I know for a fact that my Ex had been rude and insultive to her in the precence of my kids; like he used to do to me.  I worry.  I don't want my kids exposed to something/some place that I don't consider safe; that is why I left the marriage.  I didn't leave because there was "someone else", I left because I didn't know who I was married to anymore--Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde?  It takes it's toll when you suddenly realize you have used up all of your love and energy for something/someone that isn't there anymore--was he ever there.  Who was he?  After almost 12 years of marriage it felt as though I was married to a stranger. 

Yes, I'm just rambling along here... 

Thanks for listening..  Feel free to comment; please.