Curtains of shame... Does anyone want to make a dress out of them?

Not too long ago, we replaced all the windows in our home.  All of the curtains, valances, and side panels were put down.  It was no surprise when I discovered how dirty and dusty some of the curtains had become since moving into the house--especially the custom made pink curtains that the previous owners left with the house.  They didn't even bother to put them down.  Man..  They were pretty dirty!!  I searched for tags for cleaning care but none could be found.  It was obvious that these curtains were custom made by someone and that it probably couldn't be washed in a washing machine. 

Well, I took them down, and  had them sitting in a pile in my dining room.  I was finally sick of seeing them sit there, so I decided to throw them in the trunk of car and take them to the dry cleaners.  I presented the pile to the nice Chinese woman behind the counter who couldn't make heads or tails with them. 

"These are dirty!"  She exclaimed.

Um... Yes lady, I know this.  This is why I'm here.

"What is it?"  She looked pretty bewildered by the massiveness of the valance.  It was bigger than her--easily.

"It's a curtain's valance." 

"80 dollars."

I took my pile and went home.  Call me cheap, but there is no way I'm going to pay $80 for dry cleaning for these curtains.  I don't really particularly love them that much.  So, I  threw them in the washing machine under "delicate" and gambled. 

They looked just fine at first, but once I hung them up on the hooks..  Oh dear. 

The linen curtain lining was longer than the curtain.  Upon suggestion of my husband, I tried hemming the lining.  Perhaps, if I were more of a seamstress who had a working sewing machine I would have been able to do this.  But, alas, I'm not.  Perhaps, if I had the patience to stitch a new hem by hand, it would have worked okay.  But, alas--I'm not a patient person.  Let's just say I took out my stapler.  If I knew where my husband kept the duct tape, I would have gone for that.  

Well, after my expertise stapling was done, I hung them up again.  Well...  That didn't work either.  I would have to hem them higher.  Again... If I knew what I was doing, I perhaps could have gotten this accomplished, but alas...  I didn't know what I was doing.  So, I grabbed my scissors and cut off the linen backing... 

Times like these, I wish my mommy, the expert sew machine wonder, was back home.  But, alas--she is overseas on an island in the middle of the Atlantic. 

I called for the curtain angels to help me out...  If I do this, and do that with them...they look okay as long as no one really looks closely at them while in the backyard..ha ha ha..  Let's just say my scissor cutting looks a little jagged.  All the while as I'm around these curtains, my daughter and her boyfriend is laughing at me.  The very nerve of them! 

"Just call me Scarlet," I exclaim.  "You need a new dress, Liz?"

"Who is Scarlet?"  Liz asks.

"Scarlet O'Hara, silly!  You know the woman who made the dress out of the curtains from the movie, Gone With The Wind?"

"No, mom!  You have the wrong movie!!  It's Maria, you know Julie Andrews who makes the kids all play clothes with the flowered  curtains!"   

                                                                                                                                   

My daughter is trying to correct me, and she is wrong! This is totally irritating. She even goes on Google to find a quote from the movie to prove she is right. And there I am busily trying to "fix" these shamed curtains.  She is just smiling, all happy with the glee that she proved me wrong; and I'm sick of it.  So I drop my curtains and do my own Google about Scarlet O'Hara.. 

Doesn't everyone know that Scarlet O'Hara made that green, hideous outfit with the tassels out of a curtain?!  I've never seen the movie all the way through but even I know this!  My own daughter doesn't and this is scary! 

Well.. Now she does know.  She is just lucky she doesn't need a pink prom dress. 

Well, I'm off to shop for curtains... Until later!